​

​

Hi Reader!

I don’t know if you know this, but Danish people are supposed to be some of the happiest people on earth. In an interview, a Dane got asked why he thought that was. He shrugged and said - “Low expectations”. It made me laugh out loud, but I think there’s a lot of truth in that!
​

I had a lot of expectations around what it would be to be a veterinarian, mostly based on books like Black Beauty, Black Stallion and Lassie, and Christmas movies where the village vet saves the day. I also had a lot of expectations of what it would be like to be married (based on Pride and Prejudice, and Bridget Jones), and having kids (based on documentaries on hippies travelling the world with their toddlers on push bikes).

Now, looking back, I can see that it is quite obvious why these expectations weren’t met, and why I may have struggled a bit in all 3 areas…

The problem with expectations is that when they are not met, we try to twist the reality into being this expectation we have.

​
For example, if you expect your partner to talk about their feelings, and they don’t, you may try to force conversations they are not willing to have and get more and more resentful and finding evidence they are not the “right one”.

If your expectation is that your kids shouldn’t argue with each other, and by the way, they should love broccoli, you may try to change them and it’ll feel like trying to move Mount Everest.

If your expectation of the veterinary life is that clients should always be grateful, happy to pay and never complain about you (because you’re amazing, of course!), you are bound to be disappointed, and you’ll feel frustrated that you can’t change people. You might spend a lot of time complaining to coworkers about how annoying some clients are, and when you go home, you may have long inner conversations where you analyse what you SHOULD or SHOULDN'T have said to the client in the moment.

If you have a specific idea stuck in your brain about how people and, basically, the universe should be, you’re likely to be disappointed. When reality doesn’t adapt to our view of things, we also often think that something has gone terribly wrong.

If you truly believe you should get everything right, and be able to correctly diagnose everything that comes through the door, when it DOESN’T go that way our brains will assume everything has gone wrong and we’re a disaster, and go over and over all the things we did wrong and should have done differently…

The only expectations you can really be in control of, are how YOU are going to show up and react to the world. Watch how much time you spend on arguing with reality and how things should be different, in lieu of taking control over YOUR end of the stick.

Partner doesn’t want to talk about feelings? I can still talk about mine, and learn to look out for WHEN he shows his feelings through actions.

Kids fight and don’t like broccoli? Can I keep calm and not shout even harder than them? Can I eat broccoli myself, and keep coming up with new and inventive ways to get them to try it?

Clients being unreasonable and refusing to understand me and my point of view? Can I have compassion for people that are stressed out and afraid? Can I keep MY calm and not let anything they say mean anything about ME?

My cases not working out the ways I want them to? How can I evaluate and learn without beating myself up?

Life is not Lassie nor Bridget Jones (most of the time).

But we can be in control of how we perceive and react to the world around us, and manage our own expectations.

And, truly, the more I learn to do that, I sometimes feel like Bridget Jones right when she hears the words “I like you, just as you are”

(If you know, you know).
​

Have a great weekend!

xxx

P.S. Want some support managing your expectations and get better at controlling how you manage your mind around life? Book your free consult here and let's talk about what's going on for yo.